sorry, life isn’t a curated instagram feed

Wow – welcome to July! I can’t believe that we are halfway through 2018, and how long it’s really been since I’ve been here. I have lots to update here and write about, but for today I will start with this.

In saying perhaps one of the dumbest, idiotic things to say out loud, I had no idea how much losing my father would affect me.  As I got older, I worried about it happening as I saw friends losing parents, but I just didn’t fully grasp it until it actually happened to me. With that being said, I’m actively trying to find my way out of the fog and be a little more present, day by day – and that includes being here more often. Also, I pay for this site and I’ll be damned if I treat it like my gym membership. 🙂

I recently had a date with one of my best friends, and as we were in an Uber on our way to NYC, I was telling her how seldom I really go out anymore, which I just chalked up to be a mix between sticking to a stricter budget/cold weather/generally being older and always tired. Then I uttered something along the lines of how I’d basically lost interest/didn’t want to make an effort in almost everything I used to love, including writing. She lightly joked, “yeah, pretty sure that’s called depression.” I jolted a little in my seat and slowly realized, duh… yeah. I won’t keep apologizing for these realizations hitting me so late or so hard, but… yup. I am not sure why I felt some type of way for admitting I’m really sad or still not ok about losing my father, but I did. I actually tried to write a few articles and blog posts before this, and it was like there was this emotional wall connected to doing so – I had to face my feelings head-on, and I just wasn’t ready for it. Each visit to this blank draft ended in tears, and closing my laptop for ‘another day.’ I also felt weird about ‘continually’ revisiting my grief, as though that is a topic that is taboo.

I recently came across this article that I found to be worth pinning that I wanted to share: There’s No “Right” Way to Help a Grieving Friend—But These 9 Tips Helped Me

My friends and family have been absolute lifesavers, so I consider myself lucky.

Grief is subjective, so not everyone will have the same experiences. I am still working through mine, but I understand that hiding it won’t make it disappear. It’s also helped me to experience extreme gratitude for all I still have at the other end of the spectrum – it’s crazy how loss can promote growth. If you’re reading this right now and are also working through a loss, just know that you’re not alone. ❤

All human plans [are] subject to ruthless revision by Nature, or Fate, or whatever one preferred to call the powers behind the Universe.” Arthur C. Clarke

More to come soon. xo

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