day 1: everything is dark and trembly

Happy, happy new year! It’s officially 2019 and it’s time to get going on those resolutions.

I don’t know if you saw the update to my other blog post, but I chose my word of the year: AUDACITY. As in, I will have the audacity to think I can achieve all of my goals. I used to love using this word to describe my ex-husband and his antics (because audacity he def had), so bonus points in that it makes me chuckle to myself at the same time.

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So I said I was going to use the blog to rant and rave on my progress, and ohhh boy am I going to rant and rave. It’s not even the end of Day 1, and I have buckled a little. Yep, I am definitely referring to the monster on my list, diet soda.

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Listen, I don’t trust myself. I am a rampant abuser of caffeine and I have no limits or boundaries when it comes to the stuff. So I started saying out loud about a month ago that come January 1st, that was it. Not a drop of diet soda would be consumed in 2019.

Friends warned me that cold turkey is a rough way to go – but I stubbornly said – NO – give me an inch and I’ll take a mile. NO SODA.

Guess how long that lasted.

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The other day I was perusing the world wide web for some tips on how to detox in a way that I wouldn’t want to die, and I came across a list from Dr. Oz. I was like – “Ok! yes. He is a doctor – a smart, successful doctor whom everyone pays lots of money to hear his advice. What’s he got for me?”

This. This was it.

Seriously? Some common sense paired with statements that made me roll my eyes, hard. I’m a step ahead because I drink diet soda already – ha! Ok, Dr. Oz. But, his advice is to wean slowly.

Anyway, as I lovingly took my last sips of soda last night before the ball dropped, I thought, ok, this is it. Goodbye forever. </3

I woke up today optimistic as well. Not doing so bad, I thought. I ate breakfast and grabbed a bottle of water.

Then it was 11:45 a.m. Not even NOON, for christ’s sake. Sigh.

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I felt the headache rolling in, and the panic was right behind. I am writing, on deadline, and realllly need to finish my projects today. I can’t afford to be distracted or in the fetal position, shaking this out.

What do I do what do I do what do I do –

I took two aspirin. I desperately checked to see if my La Croix has caffeine – no. Nothing was helping.

I ate lunch and thought maybe this would help, I can distract from the – NO BITCH, IT’S NOT HELPING. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

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Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“Is deciding to wean – and TRULY wean – bitching out?”

Maybe. I don’t know. But I have to be less worried with how things appear and instead be realistic; even if it means changing my tune mere hours in. I have never been successful yet, and these headaches are my biggest fear of the process. So, I am going to try this avenue (backed by Dr. Oz, after all – ha). I had a glass of soda – just one. I have to glance over that again and I’ll follow his method before I completely cut it out.

Sidenote – I read that rubbing peppermint oil on your temples is a great way to help relieve headaches, and whaddaya know, it’s helping a lot. Leaves a lovely cooling feeling across my on-fire forehead and constricted, withdrawing, very depressed blood vessels.

All the other stuff is going fine, lol. How’s your day 1 going?

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