so where does that leave us?

It feels odd to sit down and actually write once again, but I have been getting the itch to put some thoughts to ‘paper.’ Part of the reason I have struggled with writing here – for at least the past 2 years – is that I feel it no longer reflects who I am and am becoming. To start, the name – which I once found to be quirky and a fun play on words (from the movie 13 Going On 30) – now feels outdated and inappropriate, if not just straight immature. Disclaimer: I am still not claiming to actually be mature. I do still love that movie, though. Jenna Rink & Matty 4eva. I guess it also doesn’t help that I am now in a new decade of my life. I am no longer “damn near 40” – I am the actual big 4-0.

At one point I actually considered just letting the site die – why keep it alive for a measly 6 posts a year (if that). I also struggled with that as I put a lot of work into it and the idea – and it was the catalyst that helped me to become an actual writer. So, I decided I am not killing off this project; I am just going to give it something of a makeover. A reorganization, if you will.

If you’re familiar with my writing, you know that it’s not that I didn’t cover anything else, but let’s be honest: I mainly used my writing to work through a lot of loss in my life from the past decade or so – it was a sort of pseudo-diary. *Shrugs.* It certainly helped in the moment, but once I got through the emotions and the hurt and the sadness, I found myself a little numb and with nothing else to say. Moreover, I didn’t even want to say anything anymore – I was burnt out – and kinda-almost-sorta regretted the times I had said too much. Vulnerability in the moment was incredibly healing, but so many personal details just splashed out in the open for all to gawk at… I was uncertain and insecure. Yet, I couldn’t undo it, and wasn’t sure I wanted to, either. The discomfort was part of the process, all the same. “So, how do I move forward – what do I say next?” I would ask myself. If I couldn’t be personal, I felt inauthentic, and my walls went up and any outlet for creativity closed up. Writer’s block, be damned. Though, it made me appreciate why musicians are so famously depressed when they release their best work, because while I wouldn’t say every day is perfect, I am pretty happy overall. However, that’s what I want to focus on now – and how I got there.

I know that is a broad stroke of a statement, and I still don’t have an exact plan for this…but I keep coming back to the idea of balance in all things – in my own life, the bigger picture, in the actual world (i.e. politics). I have changed so much as a person – in some ways that I still almost can’t believe it. The series of changes have been nothing less than magical and fated at times. Yeah, I said what I said. If you would have told me where I would be on certain topics/outlooks a few years back, I probably would have laughed in your face. I can’t help but feel I am supposed to share that. I will dive into more detail on future posts, but in the meantime…

Where does that leave us? With a new site name, for starters.

http://www.leftinthemiddle.com

Based on that idea of balance in all things that I mentioned above – I have found myself often saying that ideas, concepts, and viewpoints would be better off if everyone could just meet in the middle. Unfortunately, MeetMeInTheMiddle.com was taken, and also made me think of that annoying song everyone played 5 million times that then remained stuck in your head. So, LeftInTheMiddle.com it is. An afterthought that made me chuckle is that I am officially middle-aged now, so you can also consider it as passing the baton in that sense. For the time being, you can still navigate to the existing web address of 30thirstyandtrying.com. To be honest, I still have to figure out this whole WordPress situation anyhow. I am not creating a separate site, just sort of blending them together – this will pick up right where 30 left off. Thanks for reading this and I hope to see you again 🙂

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